We Were Raised in Systems Before We Knew Ourselves

According to the National Mental Health Survey of India, nearly 1 in 7 Indians experience some form of mental health concern in their lifetime. Yet, fewer than 15% ever seek professional support. Why?

Because in India, emotions aren’t individual experiences; they’re family matters, social responsibilities, moral obligations.

We grow up hearing:

  • “Adjust kar lo.”
  • “Log kya kahenge?”
  • “Strong bano.”
  • “Family ke liye chup rehna padta hai.”

 

By the time we reach adulthood, we aren’t just one person. We are a committee. A joint family inside the body. One part wants rest. One part wants approval. One part is angry but silent. One part is still five years old, waiting to be seen.

This is where Internal Family Systems Therapy quietly, powerfully fits into the Indian psyche; even though it was never designed for it.

 

The Indian Emotional Landscape: Where Feelings Learn to Behave

In many Indian homes, emotions are not taught; they are trained.

  • Anger becomes disrespect
  • Sadness becomes weakness
  • Desire becomes selfishness
  • Boundaries become rebellion

 

Children learn early that love is conditional:

“If you behave well, if you score well, if you don’t embarrass us.”

A 2019 WHO report highlighted that emotional suppression and untreated childhood trauma are major contributors to addiction, depression, and anxiety in South Asian populations.

So we cope the only way we know how:

  • We overachieve
  • We people-please
  • We numb out
  • We self-sacrifice
  • Or we self-destruct

 

Internal Family Systems Therapy doesn’t see these as “bad habits.” It sees them as protective roles.

 

What Is IFS Really Saying (Without the Jargon)

At its core, IFS says something radically compassionate:

“There are no bad parts. Only parts trying to protect you.”

Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with you?” It asks, “Which part of you learned this was necessary?”

In Indian culture, this feels familiar because we already understand roles:

  • The responsible eldest child
  • The invisible middle one
  • The obedient daughter
  • The emotionally unavailable son

 

IFS simply brings those roles inside.


The Inner Joint Family: Managers, Firefighters, and Exiles: Indian Edition

 

Managers: The “Log Kya Kahenge” Department

These parts keep you functional. They sound like:

  • “Don’t cry.”
  • “Be practical.”
  • “Control yourself.”
  • “You owe them.”

 

In Indian contexts, managers often carry:

  • Family honour
  • Gender and sexuality expectations
  • Academic pressure
  • Cultural shame

 

They are exhausted. And deeply loyal.


Firefighters: The Escape Artists

When emotions leak out, firefighters step in fast:

  • Binge eating
  • Substance use
  • Doom scrolling
  • Sexual compulsions
  • Dissociation

 

India has seen a 300% rise in substance dependency referrals among young adults post-pandemic; not because people are weak, but because emotions had nowhere to go.

Firefighters don’t want pleasure.
They want relief.


Exiles: The Silenced Children

These are the parts holding:

  • Neglect
  • Emotional abandonment
  • Shame
  • Fear
  • Unprocessed grief

 

Often exiles sound like:

“I’m too much.”
“Something is wrong with me.”
“I don’t belong.”

In Indian homes, exiles are usually told to:

“Stop being dramatic.”

So they go underground.


The Self: What Was Never Broken

At the heart of IFS is a quiet but radical truth: there is a part of you that was never damaged by trauma, family pressure, or survival. This is the Self. It is not your personality, your roles, or your coping strategies. It is the steady presence beneath them; the capacity to stay calm without shutting down, to feel without being overwhelmed, and to respond instead of react.

In Indian emotional culture, many people have encountered the Self without language for it; in moments of silent prayer, sitting alone after a long day, watching the sea, or feeling an unexpected softness toward pain. The Self was never absent; it simply learned to step aside when life demanded endurance over awareness.

The Self does not control or suppress. It leads through curiosity, clarity, and compassion. When it is present, inner conflict softens, urgency slows, and self-blame loses its grip. Healing, then, is not about becoming stronger or more detached; it is about allowing this calm, grounded presence to take the lead again.


Why IFS Feels So Natural in Indian Therapy Spaces

Here’s the irony:

IFS feels new, but emotionally, it’s ancient.

Indian philosophy has always understood multiplicity:

  • We speak of layers of self
  • We honour inner conflict
  • We accept contradiction

 

IFS simply gives language and safety to something we’ve felt forever.

This is why therapists like Aanchal Narang integrate IFS in ways that respect cultural conditioning rather than fight it.

 

Addiction, Trauma, and “Weak Willpower”: A Reframe India Needs

Addiction in India is often moralised:

“Just control yourself.”
“Why can’t you stop?”

IFS asks a different question:

“What pain is this behaviour protecting you from?”

Studies show that over 70% of people struggling with addiction have unresolved childhood emotional neglect or trauma.

IFS doesn’t shame the addicted part.
It listens to it.

And for many Indian clients, this is the first time any part of them has been listened to; without judgment.

 

Therapy Without Self-Blame: Why This Matters So Much Here

India already runs on guilt:

  • Filial guilt
  • Survivor’s guilt
  • Cultural guilt
  • Religious guilt

IFS removes the blame narrative entirely.

You’re not lazy. A part is tired.
You’re not avoidant. A part learned closeness was unsafe.
You’re not dramatic. A part has been ignored too long.
That alone can be revolutionary.
What stands out in Aanchal Narang’s therapeutic lens is not technique, but attunement.

There’s an understanding that:

  • Indian trauma is often invisible
  • Emotional wounds hide behind success
  • Silence is often mistaken for strength

 


When Healing Feels Like Disloyalty

A rarely acknowledged stage of healing is the guilt that comes with growth.

Feeling lighter can feel wrong. Setting boundaries can feel cruel. Choosing differently can feel like betrayal.

Internal Family Systems Therapy understands that parts may resist healing not because they enjoy suffering, but because pain feels familiar and loyalty feels safer than freedom.

This resistance is not failure. It is devotion. And devotion, once seen, can be gently released.

 


Note: You Are Allowed to Outgrow the Roles That Saved You

IFS doesn’t demand that you abandon your culture, your family, or your values. It simply asks whether the roles you learned to survive still need to run your life.

In a country where endurance is praised and emotional needs are inherited rather than examined, IFS offers something radical yet gentle; the possibility that care does not have to hurt.

You don’t have to erase who you were to heal. You only have to stop punishing the parts that kept you alive.